tomorrow is the day. i'm worried about the final outcome, and also anxious about it. after so long, finally it's time.

whether i make or break this time round, i have no control over it. i have no choice but to leave it to fate. and i wish you will be supporting me, for you are my motivation in every way.

without you, i wouldn't even have made it this far..

the whole day has set me thinking.. if i scroll thru my contact list on my phone in the middle of the night, who could i turn to and call in the middle of the night.. to hear my sorrows..

could it be you who is 888miles away? or could it be you?

time passes so fast.. saturday is ending soon, and sunday is coming.. soon it will be monday again.. it will be the last week at office.. but every moment, i'm thinking about you, missing you.. =(

bangkok is in a state of emergency! oh shit!

i'm so worried about her.. but after 2 phonecalls, i can say i'm relieved to hear that she's safe and sound..

dead tired today.. early morning @ hotel intercontinental.. afternoon stoning in office.. how i wish i could just call it a day and fly away to bangkok..

i know.. it's not possible for me to do that..

tomorrow is the big big day.. let's just hope all will go well..

what a meaningful quote that i found.. simply reflects all my feelings now..

Before I met you, my life was just plain
I never felt like dancing in the rain
I never really saw the beauty of a rose
Do you suppose it to be real love?
Love will never put you down
Won't mess or cheat around
Love won't knock you to the ground
Or make you fear certain sounds
Love will not make you powerless
Or increase your stress
When you're in love
Love will accept you for who you are
For it respects you and allows you to stay true
To yourself and doesn't make you change
It takes a special smile to brighten up my day
It takes a warmth and tender touch to melt the hurt away
It takes a willing hand to help time of need
It takes a patient and caring heart indeed
It takes a friendly hug to dry up all my tears
It takes a strong shoulder to quiet all my fears
It takes someone that is faithful and true
Hope you know by now that it takes you for me to be happy and have a brighten smile on my face
Sometimes the road of life becomes unbearable
And it seems easier to give up than to go on
But you should always remember that
There is light at the end of every tunnel
For every tear you will smile for every rainy day
There will be a rainbow and for every moment of everyday
Forever and always there will be someone there to love you
And yes it was me as the person to love you
And yes maybe I wasn't meant for you
And yes at least I will be satisfied if you knew there was a person "me" loving you deeply
I will always be there for you
To carry you over the rocky roads and lead you through the tunnels
To share with you the smiles, the tears,
The rainy days and the rainbows
Whenever you need me
I'll always be there for you as a friend, a lover, or at least as just someone with no title
Sometimes during my hectic and busy day
I either forget or can't find the words to say
Just how much you mean to me
And how my life without you would be
So just you know without a doubt
I wouldn't care how you feel about me
I wouldn't care where you areI wouldn't care whose arms you are sleeping in
I wouldn't care who you are kissing even though I wish to be kissed such way...
Just for that one moment of your time, if you ever think about me just one second
Or even nano second, it would give me a star to brighten up my ways
And you know why?
I loved you and you are all I cared about...

wrist hurts.. probably due to too much reconditioning yesterday, or rather the whole week..

didn't even bother to warm up at all. crap..

meeting's been set on the 20th, 10am. just hope it will be good news.

i try to keep myself and my mind occupied, so that i wouldn't think too much. but i guess it isn't working.. no matter how hard i try, i still am thinking about the same thing..

i think if this goes on, i might just go crazy or have a breakdown.

all i wish now is that the end of the month will come soon enough..

and yes, reconditioning phase 1 is complete. phase 2 is now underway. and meeting with director this week, but have yet to confirm the date and time of the meeting. let's all just pray for good news from me..

counting down: 62 days

presenting to you, casio exilim ex-z700..


yes.. i blew my yet-to-be-paid pay on this baby.. i think it's time to get a digicam of my own. no more borrowing of digicams for overseas trips.. and to capture beautiful memories which will be remembered forever..

got a good deal for it, $530 with 512mb and leather case. actually they having promotion, so yes, i can't wait any longer.

i forsee its first big assignment to be in november...

decide to make a special appearance and went to send clayton off to manchester just now.. it just feels so sad to send someone off, knowing that he will be so far away for a long long time.. the atmosphere was pretty sad.. but he will come back one day.. but no idea when..

but clayton, this is for you. take care and study hard.. hope to see you soon again, though we are not very close, but we are in the same boat for now.. i'm sure you know what i meant.. =)

signing off..

at times, i wonder what is happening to me? where is the old alan that people used to know?

and i wonder if it's due to the different environment that i'm exposed to.. from a avid mountainbiker, to a cheerleader, to a handicap, and to a mountainbike racer.. and now back to square one..

i wonder if it's simply due to someone, that makes or breaks me.. for that force is sure powerful..

i think it's time.. time for me to cry myself to sleep under my blanket... =(

as the saying goes: opportunity only knocks once, grab it.

it may seem like nothing at first, but only when you missed it, you start to regret about it. how i wished i could turn back time and start all over again..

yet here i am, just blew my chances away.

yes, i never broke my promise to her. i kept my promise and fulfilled my promise, but it was way too late.. she gave me a chance, but circumstances forces me not to grab it. i should have grab the opportunity at that instance, but i didn't. i cooked up excuses, but they are genuine excuses. but still, it's still excuses.. i told her i would go and find her, but i only did it after so long.. i took my own sweet time.. i wasn't there for her when i guess she needed me the most..

i regret what i have done, but what can i do now? i can only cry myself to sleep everynight, thinking why didn't i fulfill my promise earlier.. perhaps things wouldn't even be this way..

sometimes, i really envy clayton. he could just buy an air-ticket and zip off to see him for the last time. it's like buying a train ticket from pasir ris to boon lay. how i wish i could do that, but in reality, i can't. 2-3 years ago, i might be able to do that. for the circumstances allow me to do so, but not anymore.. things have changed.. life have taken a big turn..

i really wish i could turn back time, and re-live the moments and make the correct decisions.. for i really miss you, and you will always be in my heart..

hey! hey! what we are, yell GO BU!
GO BU! let's one GO BU!
check it out!

damn! suffering from severe BU withdrawal syndrome.. moodless to do anything. no mood to go ride my bike, no mood to eat. i just want to hide somewhere and think about her...

but i can't! if i dun work, i dun have money.. no money, cannot fly.. cannot fly means cannot find her.. so LL, have to work and get $$$..

counting down in 10 weeks before i get to see her again..
counting down in 6 weeks before round 1..
counting down in 8 weeks before the big test..

time to work hard for it. i shall do it! but please la, director please please approve of it.. =X

my only wish is to get back, train hard, and get back what belongs to me.

time to start my training regime...

yes, i'm back from the trip up-north. i don't know what to say about the trip. i considered it to be a good and bad trip. some things just didn't go like the way i wanted it. now all i can do, is just to let it go, and pray for the best...

key dates to remember:
18th nov (SACA XC Race 4 / Seacon Square Competition Finals)
31st dec/1st jan (birthday)